Pseudo-deep

It bothers me so much to hear people discussing 'the meaning of life' and the origins of being in general. I think my problem is just that I've become so skeptical and cynical about everything that I don't care to ponder what my purpose is anymore. I used to wonder all the time about why I'm here, why you're here, why I was chosen to be this person. Now I've just learned to accept that I am a person, my own person, and I'll never know why.

Philosophical debate is just a waste to me now.

When I hear people talking about philosophy and all that other malarky, I develop a secret disdain. I know it's awful, but sometimes I just feel like people are trying to sound smart and make themselves come off as something special. Well, they're not special to me.

But knowing that I'm a poor philosopher and a poor 'deep' thinker also solidifies my belief that I'm meant to be a journalist. I appreciate facts, evidence, and overall substance. The abstract only confuses and me makes me angry at its intangibility.

A while back when I still wanted to believe in some sort of meaning to all this, I wrestled with thoughts of God, religion, and the values the rest of my family possesses. But after all the awful things I've experienced, my will to believe is diminished.

And I'm okay with that.

However, anytime the idea of atheism is thrown around at home, I struggle to express why I feel this way. My dad thinks atheism is 'stupid', so I just give up on trying to engage him in any sort of religious discussion. He'll just shove is Jesus-worshiping ways at me. It's another big waste of time.

I just don't think religion is an essential part of life, and neither is pondering the meaning of every little thing. Just keep living day to day, take challenges gracefully, and enjoy the time we've got here together.

Pictures

My Grandma left me a message today. She said that my mom took my little brothers over to visit her. When they saw pictures of me on the fridge they started saying my name.

Indescribable.