All these things that I've done

This picture is from my trip last month to the Griffith Observatory with Rebeca and Monica. Rebeca's my suitemate (she'll be my roommate next year) and Monica is my current roommate. Griffith was completely breathtaking. I want to go back so badly. It's a great date setting too. =)

I'm officially on my way to trying to become a double major in Cinema/Television Critical Studies. So excited! Too bad it's like applying to college all over again. Since its the Cinema school though, I can understand why they make it so complicated. I need to write a personal statement, get THREE letters of rec (!), submit a sample essay and idk what else. The good news is I have until September 1st. And I'll keep taking the class that go with the major even if I'm not officially in the major. Monday I think I'll try and go to the school of arts and letters to see about a minor in Spanish.

I was so excited the other day! Thursday I got two midterms back (World Lit and Cinema) and I got A minuses on both of them! =)

Last night my roommate and I went to a free screening of "Observe and Report." It was funny in an extremely ridiculous way. That's how most of those movies are though anyway. Kinda like Role Models. But Role Models had more significance I suppose. The ending of Observe and Report was the best though. So unexpected! I recommend the movie if someone's in for some laughs. My favorite line was, "He thinks I wanna blow up Chick-fil-a! Why would I wanna blow up Chick-fil-a? It's fucking delicious!"

Today I went to a yard sale with my dearest Wendy Barrios. It was really empty though. I think we were the only customers they had... I bought this adorable red pea coat for only 5 bucks and a peach-colored dress that is too tight around my boobs. Oh well. I told my roommate I'd sell it to her for 3 dollars. Lol.

I went to Leavey Library and wrote most of my paper for World Lit. It's due on Wednesday. I figure I'll write the conclusion Tuesday and do some revision on it. I'm doing well in that class. I just hate that I'm doing so poorly in Geology. I don't know what I'll do about that class...

My dad drunk dialed me today around noon. I'm not sure if he was drunk or high or both. God I really hate him sometimes. Then other times he's the nicest person. When I was home for spring break I loved watching March Madness with him. But whenever he's drinking or doing other stupid shit, I can't stand it. I just have to leave. That's why I'm so scared about this summer... I won't be able to spend much time at my grandparents' if he's going to be like that. Plus, he's taken over my room so I might not have any real place to stay. I hate the couch at my mom's. And I think they have a rat. Fuck my life.

Anyone renting out a room? I will cook for shelter.

I was really missing my little brothers today. Whenever I miss them I go through the pictures on my phone. They cheer me up and make me sad at the same time. I flashed back to those sweet moments I've shared with them. I remembered laying on the couch and Jonathan giving me a big hug. And whenever I ask them for besitos they love to kiss my cheek. =) I well up just thinking about it.

Look at the stars. Look how they shine for you.

Sorry I've fallen behind on updating this.


As a student, I'm completely worried about next year... and the year after that... and the rest of my life.
I'm hoping my financial aid package is as good, maybe better, than last year's. There's no way my mom would be able to take out a loan, and I'm scared to take one out on my own too. But if it comes down to it, I'll take out the loan if it means saving my educational career. I don't think I'll win the scholarships I applied for this year. First semester I didn't have too great of a GPA.

I know I made the right choice in coming to USC, but I hate that I'll be so in debt once I graduate. I remember everyone telling us not to worry about the money aspect when we chose our college, but once you get to college, you realize that that's awful advice. Maybe don't worry about money at that moment in time, but you absolutely need to think about money in the long term. University life completely alters you; it changes the way you look at yourself and what will become of you.
I am now my own person.
I am an entity.
I am dead broke.

What can people really tell about me?
They don't always know I go to USC. And if they do know I go to USC, they assume I'm rich and that everything is being handed to me. I hate the labels that come with this school. When I go home I'm scared to tell people where I go to school, fearing the look they might give me. Unless they know my life story, I'm sure they assume the worst about me.

But oh how I love this place. It offers me so much of an escape. Everyday I ride my bike and I'm still in awe over the campus. The architecture is so beautiful, so classic. I wish I could live smack dab in the center of campus, just to admire the beautiful buildings. The smog isn't too great, and the construction is annoying, but overall I love this place. I've found good friends and good classes to keep me sane.

Forget about before

For anyone randomly keeping up with this, thanks. If you're interested, it turns out I won't be going to El Salvador over spring break. My mom waited one week too much to book the flights, and tickets had gone up over 200 dollars by that point. I really hope she still goes, even if she has to go alone, but she probably won't. It really upset me that she didn't want to go at all once tickets went up. She talked about going next year, or going to Mexico with Alex in December.
"I don't wanna go to Mexico," I told her.
"What?"
"I don't want to go to Mexico. "
"Oh."

I'm sure someday in the future I'll go to Mexico on a whim, but going to Mexico won't make up for the chance I would have had at reconnecting to my Salvadoran roots. She'll go to Mexico with him and my little brothers, they'll love it, and probably decide on moving there. This sounds farfetched, but he's got her wound pretty tightly around his fingers. He's tried to convince her to move to Mexico before, but she's refused. She told me she wouldn't want to leave me alone here. That's why I assume she's waiting until I graduate from college to move. I know she likes the idea of escaping down to Mexico, un lugar en donde el terreno ofrece tanto espacio, y la familia ofrece muchisimo amor. Que le puedo ofrecer yo a ella? Temo que se llevara a mis hermanitos de aqui para siempre, dejandome sola con mis abuelos, quienes les queda poco tiempo para vivir.

I really hate the idea of being alone. I know I have great friends to keep me grounded, but family is so essential. My grandparents have been the only true constants when it comes to family, I never had the mother-daughter or father-daughter bond that many of those around me experienced. My mom's choosing Alex over me and my dad's choosing alcohol over me. If only my little brothers were old enough to decide for themselves. Once they go to Mexico they won't know who I am.